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Introducing a new series of articles by Andrew McGregorAccording to the London School of Business: “Coaching is the single most powerful process ever devised for releasing individual human potential”. It is about enabling us to more fully express all that lies within so that we are true to ourselves and our potential.
As Google chairperson and chief executive officer Eric Schmidt puts it: coaching is about “being your best”.
Schmidt claims that the best advice he ever received was to hire a coach. Coaching empowers people to reach their highest potential – not addressing shortcomings, but harnessing strengths.
This series of articles demonstrates how real coaching happens. You will see the power of coaching, not by providing answers, but by asking powerful questions that set a framework for discovery, empowerment and transformation.
The conversation that follows is an abbreviated version of a coaching session in which the client was aware of discomfort, but without being able to pinpoint the real issue:
Coach: What would you like to accomplish in our session today?
Client: I feel like I’m in a rut. All I’m doing is the same thing over and over. The spark has disappeared from my project.
Coach: That sounds like a problem, something that is not working for you. Can you describe what you do want?
Client: I don’t really know. I feel so stuck and have tried so many things. I’m really tired of it. I’ve been down this road so many times that I feel I am in a deep rut.
Coach: And if you had what you want, how would you know?
Client: I guess when I have more interesting things to do. When what I am working on really matters.
Coach: So what you are working on right now doesn’t matter? Is that what you are saying?
Client: Well, it matters, I guess. It has to be done. But it is just the details, it’s not the really important stuff.
Coach: And the really important stuff is…?
Client: I really enjoyed setting up the project – facilitating the initial workshops, doing the project charter and the scheduling, setting up the team – all that was great and I was really making a difference. I had much interaction with the client, management and other stakeholders. Now it is just checking up on what the technical people are doing, doing status reports, making sure we stay on track – all that sort of thing. It is just a pain. I think I am starting to miss things.
Coach: You said that it does matter to do the details. To whom does it matter, do you think?
Client: Well, everyone, really. I mean, the project has to get done, obviously.
Coach: Okay, so the details are important?
Client: Sure. I suppose they are to the project as a whole.
Coach: How important are they to you? [Client shrugs and looks down] Trust your feelings. How important do they feel to you as we sit here now?
Client: Not very much.
Coach: And would you like to feel that it is important to you? Would that help you to not only get through this part of the job, but to feel good about it? To feel motivated?
Client: I think so.
Coach: So what is missing?
Client: I don’t know.
Coach: What would enable you to feel alive in doing this part of the project, to feel highly motivated, to be completely focused in doing this?
Client: Hmm… I really don’t know.
Coach: [pauses, then softens voice] Take a deep breath and pretend that you do for a moment and just notice what comes to mind. Just let your words flow without thinking about them, without judging. Just be curious about what comes to mind, and reflect it back to me.
Client: If I knew it was really important to my boss and the client… Yes, if I knew that they really appreciated the hours I am putting in.
Coach: How are you feeling as you say that?
Client: Good. Really good.
Coach: So their validation and recognition of what you are doing is important to you?
Client: [Lips tighten slightly. Shifts position.]
Coach: I want you to step back from this discussion for a moment. Let’s explore something together, just to see if you can develop a new perspective. [Coach stands up] Stand up with me just for a moment, take a deep breath and visualise standing in front of your boss giving feedback on your project. Don’t think about it – actually experience it as if it were happening now. Reflect on what you are thinking… Notice your emotions…
Client: I am feeling tentative, worried about not being on top of things and wondering if this is important to him…
Coach: Okay. Notice what is happening in your body. Notice the speed and depth of your breathing. What feelings can you identify?
Client: My breathing is shallow, high up in my chest. I feel stiff and unnatural.
Coach: Okay. Let those feelings go. Shrug your shoulders and take a deep breath. Put yourself into your boss’s position right now. Go and stand where you visualised him standing. Stand like he does. Hold your hands as he was. Can you visualise being in his shoes now?
Client: Yes, I feel very different…
Coach: So hold those feelings as if you are him. Now how important are the details?
Client: Sure, they are really important.
Coach: On a scale of one to 10?
Client: Oh, seven at least. Maybe eight.
Coach: Okay, when you are ready, let’s sit down again. [They both resume their seats]. What insight do you have now that you did not before?
Client: It was amazing, simply putting myself in another person’s shoes, how easy it is to look at the same thing differently. I can also see that it is important for my stakeholders to know that the project is in good hands.
Coach: That is something that you haven’t had in your awareness recently.
Client: Yes, you are right. I seldom do that. But that is a powerful insight. I guess that was a real blind spot for me.
Coach: Sure, we all have our blind spots. So, what will you do with that insight? How does it change things?
Client: [Becomes introspective.] Wow, it changes a lot. When you asked earlier if I needed the approval or recognition of my boss and client, it did not feel right, but I could not say why. I am so surprised because I thought I needed their strokes, but as we speak, I am seeing it differently. Sure, it’s great when people recognise your efforts, but what I am learning now is that I actually need my own approval.
Coach: Is that an important learning for you?
Client: Sure, you bet. [smiling, eyes sparkling] It is so empowering to know that as long as I know that, as long as I am seeing the value of what I am doing, I know that I am okay.
Coach: And what does that mean for you?
Client: Lots of things are buzzing around my head right now. There’s freedom, independence, I can do anything. Wow…
Coach debriefing
It often happens that the issue which is presented (“I’m in a rut”) is not the real issue.
In this session, the coach started by recognising that the client was focused on what she did not want. By probing for what the client did want, the discussion was able to move to the importance of the work, which was then a short step to how that is recognised and, in this case, by whom.
A key coaching skill is the ability to develop deep rapport with the client, which leads to trust. In that environment, the client was able to relax and go inside her mind and trust her unconscious to tell the coach what the issue is (being appreciated).
It would have been easy for the coach to have assumed that the issue was the work being “really important to my boss and the client”. On checking, however, the coach noticed very slight non-verbal communication that indicated there may be something else.
Using a technique to access physical and emotional feelings of self and others, the client was able to see the situation from a different perspective.
But even then, the real insight that caught the client’s imagination was still to come – when she realised that she did not need the approval of others to give meaning to her work. She recognised that she can create her own meanings.
Andrew McGregor is the chief executive officer of Cohesion Project Management Solutions and a certified meta-coach. He can be contacted via e-mail: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
